it only seems fitting that after months of adamently stalking all of your blogs, i should finally give in and join the dialogue. i just want to apologize in advance for how much i'm bound to repete myself in this blog, which i assume will mostly consist of two themes: how tired i am of waiting and how much i desperately want to be a PCV.
...RAS has its peaks and valleys and, for me, it changes every day. sometimes every hour. the most trying hurtle for me lately has been the 20/20 special. i was unassumingly watching tv with both my parents when it came on. and after that kind of sensational blitz it is really hard to find the words to articulate why you still want this so badly. for me, peace corps has always been something ive had a difficult time articulating. i want it so badly on so many levels that, yes, i am willing to put myself at risk. im not naive. i comprehend that moving, alone to a third world country is not as safe as living in scottsdale with my parents. but i dont want to ever let fear hold me back from experiencing something phenomenon. it seems most RPCVs i talk to say their experience was nothing like what they envisioned it to be. i want to know what they know, see what they've seen. i'm so sick of living in a culture dominated by mediated experiences. i want to go somewhere and experience it for myself...and yes i'm well aware that that can be done anywhere...but i want the sensation of total immersion in something so utterly foreign that i can't even fathom it from where i stand right now, in my cozy house, with my cup of tea and sweatpants....call it romantic. call it ridiculous. i want it. and always have wanted it. and won't be satisfied until i get it...
I can totally relate to your reaction to the 20/20 special. I didn't see the show on air, but found out about it via an e-mail from my dad. Since the special, I've gotten even more "Why!?" questions regarding my decision to apply.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to hearing more about your process!